Success: A State of Mind

Going after one’s dream is a difficult journey, taken by the brave. Filled with obstacles and naysayers, doubt will always surround your vision. It takes mental strength to persevere and stick with your passion. Fortunately, we are in the right place and time to make our goals happen.

“Success is a state of mind. If you want success, start thinking of yourself as a success.”

American psychologist Joyce Brothers 1927-2013.

When we were children and asked what we wanted to do when we grew up, we all had an answer. Even if it isn’t something that interests you now, you had a dream and a passion. As we grow and transition into adulthood, our dreams slowly get placed on the back burner while we take care of everyday priorities.

Most of us still try to be who we want to be, achieving what we’ve always imagined we could. It just gets harder to do so. Over the years and layers of responsibility, our perception of dreams changes from being the future to unrealistic.

Use the Law of Attraction

The Law of Attraction is the theory that your thoughts and desires will eventually turn to reality. If you think positive thoughts about your goals, you will in turn be guided to find the ways to achieve them. If you think negatively about your aspiration, they won’t come to life the way you want them to.

“A large part of the Law of Attraction is learning how to be an open, happy person who vibrates on a high frequency and induces a positive response in others. The way in which we spread good attitudes toward other people and attract kindness, generosity and success can be partly explained with reference to mirror neurons—neurons that ‘mirror’ the behavior we observe.”

6 Science Facts That Prove That The Law Of Attraction Exists By Katherine Hurst

Throughout history, this notion has been deemed true. What goes around comes around, you get what you put our there, etc. Here are some tips to help in reframing your successful mindset.

  • Set Realistic Goals: We, as people, can get carried away with our extravagant goals. I’m going to lose 30lbs, I’m going to write a book. I’m going to make six figures. Dreaming big keeps us motivated because we love to fantasize. To make it reality, we need to outline and take reasonable steps to reach our large dreams.
  • Remain Positive: We’re all afraid of getting our hopes up only for out deepest desires to be denied by the world. Keeping a realistic perspective doesn’t mean sacrificing hope. Put what you want out there in the world, and you will received it.
  • Make Time for Yourself: Going after what you want in life can be time consuming and demand lots of attention. You have to figure out juggling this while dealing with all the other joys life has to offer. Don’t forget to take a moment for yourself, a day or weekend, we all need to take a break once in a while.
  • Find Your Support Network: Metaphysical poet, John Donne (1572-1631) said, “No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.” Whether it’s family or friends, we all have someone who loves and supports us. Cherish and thank them every so often.

What defines success: money, love, fame? Ultimately, success is what you envision your life to be. It’s about being who you want to be and go after what matters most to you. Find your success and keep working for it.

Adulthood and the Death of Youth

Coming of age is a staple theme in the modern day of storytelling. Everyone has a story from back in the day, and it’s commonly portrayed in literature and TV. Something that universally unites us as humans is witnessing our life change overnight and facing the price of freedom known as responsibility.

Once upon a time, we all had a dream. When someone asked us as a child what we wanted to be, we said and array of things: doctor, vet, pilot, fireman, actor, musician, etc. For many, getting older meant letting go of said dreams and facing reality. When do we become adults? Is it when we’re financially stable, married, have children, or all of the above?

[According to new research by CBS’ TV ratings guru David Poltrack and Nielsen Catalina Solutions], 30 happens to be the age at which millennials tend to self-identify as adults.

Millennials Don’t Consider Themselves Adults Until 30, Researcher Says byTony Maglio 

Way back when, boys and girls were considered adults at the age of twelve and thirteen. If you’ve read or seen The Lord of the Rings, the fantasy race of Hobbits reach adulthood at the age of 33. Who knew J.R.R. Tolkien could foresee where human development was headed?

But, it is the millenial parents who have convinced us that we aren’t adults. From financial support to constant approval, the Baby Boomers (born between 1946 and 1964) are constantly involved in their children’s adult lives.

We all have or have known a parent who had a hand in their child’s homework, always cleaned up after them, took care of situations for them, or constantly reminded them of things they were capable of handling on their own. In these parents’ eyes, they were and still are doing what’s best for their children. What suffers is the child’s on confidence in handling themselves as an adult.

As a result of not being babied or supervised themselves as children, as well as cultural shifts in parenting norms through the progression of technology, these generations overcompensated in their involvement with their Millennial children.

How Baby Boomer Parents Molded the Millennial Generation by Ilana Bodker

At 25, there are other young adults I know who don’t know how to do taxes, how to change a tire, cut the grass, or even use the right settings on the laundry machine. Instead of figuring this stuff out on our own, the first thing we do is call our parents and ask for help. These are the same parents who lecture us about how we need to “grow up.”

For me, adulthood is being financially and emotionally independent. Even with your parents, taking someone else’s money comes with a price. Letting go of the emotional reliance we have with our parents from birth is the only way to develop a relationship and family of your own.

Being young is liberating and fun in it’s own way, but it isn’t truly free. Getting stuck between adulthood and adolescence is stressful, and takes a toll on our mental health. I used to be scared of being an adult and controlling my own outcome, because I’d probably mess it up. It’s nothing to be scared of, adults fail all the time going after their dream. Adults make mistakes they have to fix. Adults figure it out on their own. We all have the same ability to take control of our own life.

Words that Need to be Said to those Feeling Isolated #GuestPost by MeetRhey

This is not a challenge exclusive to people with depression or some form of mental illness. It is not just about people being physically alone for extended periods of time. A person can feel isolated even in a room mixed with strangers and familiar faces.

When I think of isolation, I think of the absence of deep human connection. It is about not having more to talk about then just the weather.  It’s not knowing someone who genuinely cares for you. I’m not necessarily referring to a significant other, but it also may be not having a friend or family members who express they care about how you are doing.

For those who are isolated, the thought of not having a support system sucks – for lack of a better word. It’s scary to think about how few people would care if something bad happened to you. Reaching out when you have this ‘nobody cares’ mindset, is difficult. Other barriers outside of just mentality are geographical distance, cultural or religious differences, and having other ‘priorities’.

The last thing I think anyone wants is pity. If that is ever your intention, do not even bother. Otherwise, liking and commenting a one liner on someone’s social media is not the kind of effort that is going to cut it. If you are trying to show genuine compassion towards someone who you believe needs it, there are three actions to strive for in your interaction with them.

Listen. Value. Support.

You want to give them the opportunity to express how they feel if they want to. Do not push them. However, if they are willing to share anything, be present while they let it all out.

Feel honoured to be with them when they are most vulnerable. It is one thing for a person to say they are not okay and leave it at that. It is another for them to openly express what is on their mind. Acknowledge what they are telling you and emphasize how important it is for them to reach out when needed.

Here are some things you can say to support someone you care for:

Listen (The goal is to get them to explore how they are feeling)

  • How have your days/nights been?
  • What have you been up to recently?
  • Tell me more about …
  • What do you regret?
  • What happened next?

Value (The goal is to validate their feelings)

  • Thank you for telling me.
  • That must have been difficult.
  • I can’t imagine what that was like.
  • That reminds me of…              
  • I don’t know how I would have responded if I was in that situation.

Support (The goal is to encourage them to reach out again)

  • I am always a phone call/text message away if you ever need someone to talk to.
  • Would you like to hang out/talk again?
  • The good thing is that…
  • What is something you would like to do right now?
  • Who has been your support through this?

Remember that they are not necessarily looking for you to be their problem solver or give an opinion on the situation. It’s usually just having someone who they feel comfortable enough to confide in outside of their own bubble. Whatever words you end up using to support someone feeling isolated, as long as there are good intentions, it will come across.

MeetRhey is a personal growth blogger advocating for individuality and potential. Please visit her blog for more

https://meetrhey.wordpress.com/

Conquering Procrastination

Guilt is the causing element for putting off things that need to be done. People avoid doing the things that will benefit them the most by distracting themselves with errands that don’t hold any meaning. For instance, someone may spend their day cleaning instead of working on the project they had promised themselves to finish. It’s as though procrastinating as an adult is easier than as a kid.

In school, students put off studying or writing a paper until the night before. Still, they finished it. As an adult, there are no deadlines for personal goals and aspirations. It’s up to the individual to make whatever dream they want, happen. Most would think that the freedom of adulthood would allow dreams to be met with full force.

Something else happens. As a grown-up, there aren’t teachers and parents breathing down one’s shoulder. Without that pressure, uncertainty  overtakes the person wishing to achieve the impossible.

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Here, a healthy person, with a sound mind, finds almost anything else to do than their own deepest desires, as if they believe that dreaming alone will make wishes come true. So instead of doing, they fear risk of failing, not even trying. Then comes in guilt, and no one wants to feel guilt. Guilt is a transferable emotion. Instead of taking responsibility for laziness, blame the spouse, kids, or parents. It’s everyone else’s fault.

Coming full circle, procrastinating one’s life goals is more dangerous as an adult than as a child. It’s difficult for some to accept that part of themselves. As the narrators of our own lives, we tend to think of our own self as a perfect protagonist, flawless and good. Yet, we are human.

Procrastination isn’t an action, it’s a feeling. One must accept their feeling in order to move past it. No matter how many times you’re told, it’s never too late. Don’t put off going after what you want. There will always be an excuse. Just go after it. Be who you want to be. Stop dreaming. Start doing.

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