Chasing Daydreams

All of us have a dream or vision of what we want to achieve or who we want to be. Before the kids and marriage, before the real world forces you to face the grueling truth of what it takes to live. Making that dream a vision and turning it into reality takes work.

When you have a dream, you fantasize about the things you want to happen now. Tomorrow, you want to wake up, look in the mirror, and see a version of yourself that you love. Your parents teach you to dream, the world tells you to dream, but when you hit the real world, you get stuck in monotony and mediocrity. You feel guilty you’re not working toward your goal, you feel lazy you’re stuck in one place, so you put your dream off till a better time and the cycle continues without you changing a thing.

“Man, alone, has the power to transform his thoughts into physical reality; man, alone, can dream and make his dreams come true.”

Napoleon Hill

“Lose your dreams and you might lose your mind.”

Mick Jagger

After a while, the pressure from your family, friends and society wears you down and you tell yourself, that it’s okay to give up on your dream. That you’re happy with where you’re at, that sometimes you have to know when to give up. Why do we give up on ourselves? Whether your dreams are big or small, their worth pursuing. In striving for your dreams, here are a few reminders:

  • Stop comparing yourself to others. It’s difficult, we all do it. When you see a person of similar age and opportunity whose reached the success you’ve always wished for, you either wonder how they were able to achieve so much while you weren’t, or believe they don’t deserve it. Instead, change the way you view them, use them as inspiration or healthy competition.
  • Make a decision and stick with it. My dream is to be a published author. Throughout my college career and current adult life, I’ve had people suggest a repertoire of things I could do. I admit I get suck into these deviations and wonder who I would be if I followed a different path. Despite the fact that your loved ones may not approve or even share the same enthusiasm you have for your dream, don’t let that sway you.
  • Keep at it, positively. Working toward the vision you see for your future is a treacherous road riddled with obstacles to stop you. At times, it’ll feel like the entire world is conspiring against you. Finding the motivation and time for your goals between the mundane tasks of daily life can feel impossible. Look yourself in the mirror and tell the doubt that you will be who you want to be.

I haven’t achieved yet the vision I have for myself, and still there are times I wonder, what’s the point? The point is that this is for me. This is who I want to be. I don’t want to be old an regret not going after something because I didn’t want to play the game of life. If you keep doing what you want to do, you’ll eventually find success. Like Eli Young Band sings, “Keep on dreaming even if it breaks your heart.”

Adulthood and the Death of Youth

Coming of age is a staple theme in the modern day of storytelling. Everyone has a story from back in the day, and it’s commonly portrayed in literature and TV. Something that universally unites us as humans is witnessing our life change overnight and facing the price of freedom known as responsibility.

Once upon a time, we all had a dream. When someone asked us as a child what we wanted to be, we said and array of things: doctor, vet, pilot, fireman, actor, musician, etc. For many, getting older meant letting go of said dreams and facing reality. When do we become adults? Is it when we’re financially stable, married, have children, or all of the above?

[According to new research by CBS’ TV ratings guru David Poltrack and Nielsen Catalina Solutions], 30 happens to be the age at which millennials tend to self-identify as adults.

Millennials Don’t Consider Themselves Adults Until 30, Researcher Says byTony Maglio 

Way back when, boys and girls were considered adults at the age of twelve and thirteen. If you’ve read or seen The Lord of the Rings, the fantasy race of Hobbits reach adulthood at the age of 33. Who knew J.R.R. Tolkien could foresee where human development was headed?

But, it is the millenial parents who have convinced us that we aren’t adults. From financial support to constant approval, the Baby Boomers (born between 1946 and 1964) are constantly involved in their children’s adult lives.

We all have or have known a parent who had a hand in their child’s homework, always cleaned up after them, took care of situations for them, or constantly reminded them of things they were capable of handling on their own. In these parents’ eyes, they were and still are doing what’s best for their children. What suffers is the child’s on confidence in handling themselves as an adult.

As a result of not being babied or supervised themselves as children, as well as cultural shifts in parenting norms through the progression of technology, these generations overcompensated in their involvement with their Millennial children.

How Baby Boomer Parents Molded the Millennial Generation by Ilana Bodker

At 25, there are other young adults I know who don’t know how to do taxes, how to change a tire, cut the grass, or even use the right settings on the laundry machine. Instead of figuring this stuff out on our own, the first thing we do is call our parents and ask for help. These are the same parents who lecture us about how we need to “grow up.”

For me, adulthood is being financially and emotionally independent. Even with your parents, taking someone else’s money comes with a price. Letting go of the emotional reliance we have with our parents from birth is the only way to develop a relationship and family of your own.

Being young is liberating and fun in it’s own way, but it isn’t truly free. Getting stuck between adulthood and adolescence is stressful, and takes a toll on our mental health. I used to be scared of being an adult and controlling my own outcome, because I’d probably mess it up. It’s nothing to be scared of, adults fail all the time going after their dream. Adults make mistakes they have to fix. Adults figure it out on their own. We all have the same ability to take control of our own life.

Words that Need to be Said to those Feeling Isolated #GuestPost by MeetRhey

This is not a challenge exclusive to people with depression or some form of mental illness. It is not just about people being physically alone for extended periods of time. A person can feel isolated even in a room mixed with strangers and familiar faces.

When I think of isolation, I think of the absence of deep human connection. It is about not having more to talk about then just the weather.  It’s not knowing someone who genuinely cares for you. I’m not necessarily referring to a significant other, but it also may be not having a friend or family members who express they care about how you are doing.

For those who are isolated, the thought of not having a support system sucks – for lack of a better word. It’s scary to think about how few people would care if something bad happened to you. Reaching out when you have this ‘nobody cares’ mindset, is difficult. Other barriers outside of just mentality are geographical distance, cultural or religious differences, and having other ‘priorities’.

The last thing I think anyone wants is pity. If that is ever your intention, do not even bother. Otherwise, liking and commenting a one liner on someone’s social media is not the kind of effort that is going to cut it. If you are trying to show genuine compassion towards someone who you believe needs it, there are three actions to strive for in your interaction with them.

Listen. Value. Support.

You want to give them the opportunity to express how they feel if they want to. Do not push them. However, if they are willing to share anything, be present while they let it all out.

Feel honoured to be with them when they are most vulnerable. It is one thing for a person to say they are not okay and leave it at that. It is another for them to openly express what is on their mind. Acknowledge what they are telling you and emphasize how important it is for them to reach out when needed.

Here are some things you can say to support someone you care for:

Listen (The goal is to get them to explore how they are feeling)

  • How have your days/nights been?
  • What have you been up to recently?
  • Tell me more about …
  • What do you regret?
  • What happened next?

Value (The goal is to validate their feelings)

  • Thank you for telling me.
  • That must have been difficult.
  • I can’t imagine what that was like.
  • That reminds me of…              
  • I don’t know how I would have responded if I was in that situation.

Support (The goal is to encourage them to reach out again)

  • I am always a phone call/text message away if you ever need someone to talk to.
  • Would you like to hang out/talk again?
  • The good thing is that…
  • What is something you would like to do right now?
  • Who has been your support through this?

Remember that they are not necessarily looking for you to be their problem solver or give an opinion on the situation. It’s usually just having someone who they feel comfortable enough to confide in outside of their own bubble. Whatever words you end up using to support someone feeling isolated, as long as there are good intentions, it will come across.

MeetRhey is a personal growth blogger advocating for individuality and potential. Please visit her blog for more

https://meetrhey.wordpress.com/

Working on Strength and Weakness

When we’re asked what our strengths are, we immediately consider what we’re good at, yet just because we’re good at something doesn’t mean it’s our strength. A strength is something that you do because you thoroughly enjoy it, time passes by without looking at the clock. Let’s say, you’re good at Excel and Office software. It doesn’t mean your strength is in Excel and Office, that’s simply a skill.

Strengths can take time and you may not immediately be good at them, but they are something that you love. Most resolutions and goals centralized around working on weakness. For instance, “I’m not that outgoing, I’m going to work on talking to more people.” We focus on the weakness and at some point, we can be proficient in them, but if it isn’t something we do like to do, it can be draining and we’re constantly wondering when it’ll be over.

It doesn’t matter where you are in life, it’s time to stop suffering. Many of us go through job after job, searching in what we know. Each day, it wears down, taking a piece of us with it until we become a angry at the world, perpetually unhappy and mean.

You can be mediocre at many things, or proficient in a couples things you’re passionate about. Work on your weakness, but focus on your strength. Split your time: 30% on weakness, and 70% on strength. Take the time out of your day, write out your interest, delve into your dreams, figure out if what you’re doing now is what you really want to be doing. If so, keep at it. If not, change it.

We are all born in the land of opportunity. We should take advantage of that. Sure, it’s scary to change a career or to move to a different state, but if you keep waiting until the right chance to make your own way, it’ll never come. There will always be a reason not to do something.

We all deserve to go after what we want in life, despite what others tell us we should or should not do. We’re in control of our life, and we dictate the outcome. Any path we take to achieving out goals is going to have challenges along the way, but it’s all worth fighting for. Our future is worth fighting for.